Hmmm... this phrase has formed some of my thoughts for about a week now. In a bid to seek greener pastures and increase their income base, married couples live seperately and rarely see each other. Across the ocean addresses couples who're thousand of miles apart, some for periods ranging from between 3-10 years.The question i never fail to ask myself is " To what end?" The plan to raise funds for the family by this means is at the expense of building the family unit and making it stronger. No one is better for it.
I know an old family couple with a similar experience. The father left the country while the children were still in primary school and never came home until they were out of the University. However, he made money while overseas, he sent money, cars, everything to his wife and children. They had every material thing but the love of a father and the presence of a father figure was missing. The mother was the pillar for the family, she was there for the children. When their father came back after several years, it was clear they could do without him; they had done without him for this long anyway. Now the family relationship is strained and every man is to himself, the man never really networked with his friends while outside the country, so on his final return,he was alone.
I guess the above story was an extreme one, though it happened live o, but couples that seperate for not that long still get their relationship affected. Some women/men want to travel out for their masters or get a juicy job offer and they just want to do their thing/live their lives even if it means relocating. The result isn't eventually really worth it.
Love across the ocean? What do you think?
6 comments:
Hmmm, I like the title 'Ododo' and the declaration, 'buy the truth, don't sell it'. Stay blessed and regards to all! Tope Odukoya
I'd say we've gotten this,'....wat God Has joined together, let no man put asunder' all wrong.We wage war against anyone that we suspect might be an agent of seperation in marriages n turn a blind eye to other things with more damaging effects.
I strongly believe that couples need to sit and determine their purpose for being a family.my reasoning is this, a couple of things can wait for you, but ur family/marriage cannot.Theres no amount of money that can replace a father/mother/husband/wifes warmth (live not simulated) n the part they play in our lives....
Hey, Topsy le dukes, great to read from you. I believe you're fine. Thanks for dropping by and posting a comment. Take care!
Ify, thanks for your comment, family needs to take a proper place in people's thinking especially in this career woman's age. It's good to pursue a career but not at the expense of one's origin-the home. For men, it's good to take responsibility for one's family but also not at the expense of the home. Marriage today's looking more like a battle of the sexes. Each party wants to have his/her way.
Communication is vital so that the bond is intact.
Hmmm,
Topsy, I couldn'tresist commenting on your posting on love across the ocean. It's all about priorities. We should probably return to the ultimate book "the bible" in order to re-define what priorities should be. Without thinking, I would say separation in marriage should be avoided like a plague.
Keep up the good work topsy, I like this female dimension of deoluakinyemi.com oh....please i beg, keep it up!!!
It should be avoided by all means. I currently leave in London and my girlfriend studies in US. Its not easy even for an unmarried couple not to talk of married couple. the worst part of it is that most of this people have no time table or plan as to when to call it quit and move back home. Most of them have no papers and the fear of not having a source of income if they come back home make them stay longer. An aunty of mine came to the UK leaving her whole family she was 35yrs old by the time she finally got her papers she was 45yrs old her marriage was practically over. I knew her with not less than 5 different boy friends during the 10yrs period. You can't blame her for having boyfriend 10 yrs no be joke. her husband did not do a days job in naija since she got to the UK so all the strain of London life coupled with bringing up 4 kids and a jobless husband pushed her to get a man that could help her a bit. Now she has british passport her kids are grown but I could see her loneliness whenever I see her, she recently told me she was formally divorcing her husband. The relationship she had with her husband before travelling was one of those that people believe will last forever. The truth be told OUT OF SIGHT is OUT OF MIND don't let anybody lie to you.
I speak to my girlfriend at least 2-4 times a day with upto 20 text messages a day and I see her a least 3 times a year. Thank God she finishes school this year. MARRIED couple should never do long distant and if they do it should not last more than a YEAR with at least one visit in that year. That my opinion.
Thanks Niyi, i,ve never been in support of love across the ocean. As far as i'm concerned, no reason is good enough for one to engage in it. It definitely does more harm than good (that's if it has any good side) and should be avoided. I've discovered that most reasons people give for practising it are selfish and marriage is a call to absolute selflessness, a call to give, and work things out till they work.
Loads, thanks for your comment. As for the lady who's been apart from her husband for 10years and has changed men several times, hmmm, she felt used - she had worked alone for years to sustain her family and needed to do something to justify her years of hard labour. It's quite unfortunate. Nothing works except you make it to, you can believe all you can. It's good your girlfriend'll be rounding up school soon, get together asap and stay together o. I wish you the best. Thanks for dropping by.
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