HOW WILL YOU HANDLE IT?
Hi peeps, hope your weekend was good. Mine was great and i'm facing this week with a bang. It's really going to be a busy one for me. Here's a story i felt i should share and get advice for you from.
A younger close friend of mine spoke with me sometime ago about an issue that has been a source of worry and concern to her. Her father does not trust her. She has really been worried about it and has been wondering what could be responsible since she does not have a history of wrongdoings or anything she did to warrant this distrust from her father. Her father works and lives in the northern part of the country while the family resides in Lagos; fortunately, she got a job immediately after graduation that she loves which sometimes makes her close late or work on weekends but her dad even wondered ‘how’ she got the job before her youth service in the first place. Her father calls the family every evening and ensures he speaks especially to her to ensure that she’s either back home early or will be spending the night at home. She even got a job offer outside Lagos (Abuja) but her dad kicked against it, saying he didn’t want her to go and work where there are much older men with ‘prying eyes’ and he does not like the way they look at single girls.
I asked why she never confronted this mindset and express how this distrust makes her feel. This young lady responded by saying she really respects her dad and hates to hurt him. I asked her if she preferred to be hurt instead, then tried to tell her that she had held back from speaking up out of fear. She disagreed.
This lady is the first of three children; she has two younger brothers who don’t experience this constant scrutiny and bouts of distrust. I then wondered if it’s because she’s female. Her dad told her at some point to stop this job she enjoys when she had to sleep at a female colleague’s place on an occasion that she closed late; he blamed the mother for not been able to manage things in his absence.
My people, I gave this lady my honest opinion but I really want to read from you, how you would handle things if you were in this lady’s shoes, or what you will advice her to do. Comments? Advice? I’m waiting….
7 comments:
It is very funny. I do not want to rush into judgment but would just use the following scenarios -
1. The man used to be an OSOMO in his hay days and does not want his only daughter messed up.
2. In the past she has done some wrong things that made the father to distrust her.
I will also want the lady to answer the following questions -
1. Is the father a xtian?
2. Is the lady a xtian?
3. If the lady is a xtian, does the father know what she stands for?
4. How old is she and is she in a relationship.
5. If question 4 is yes, how does she cope in a relationship with that kind of father.
In all I hope the man does not spoil the lady' joy cos of trivial issues like these. I hope she stands up and talk to the man ... let her express herself and clear this once and for all.
Cheers.
Hi Ayobami,
Thanks for dropping by and for your exhaustive comment. We kind of share some thoughts in common. I think it will pay me if i could get much closer to her and understand her history properly so i can know how to help her. God doesn't consult our past to determine our future. She really needs to free herself from this hold and move on.
Once again, thanks and have a great weekend!
i think the dad is dating a younger girl and he is afraid the daughter might be doing the same thing.i might be wrong but it's not impossible
How old is this lady? Eventually she is going to have to live her own life. Otherwise she will have lots of regrets.
Something is missing here. How can someone's misguided suspicions of you automatically make you guilty?
Yes yes.. we Nigerians respect our parents. But you can respect them and be firm while making decisions for YOUR life.
I will like to look at the facts that the Dad might actaully be doing this, from his Love for the daughter, this is called TOUGH LOVE. He cares for the daughter and calls her always to ensure she is safe and ok.
I once worked with a female colleague in the office who receive calls from her mum once it's approaching/immediately after closing hour everyday. Her mum really cares for her and her safety but do you know there was a day she lied to the mum that she would be spending the night in a friend's place., but was actaully going for an overnight party which she doesn't want the caring mum to know about.
So the question is, why would the subject be afriad of the dad if she doesn't have any skeleton in her cupboard?
She should remember that he that come to equity, must come with clean hands.
Thanks all!
For your comments and advice. I,ve noticed from my recent discussions with her that things are looking better between father and daughter.
He's getting better informed about the daughter's plans and life goals and expresses a lot more confidence in her. I guess it was partly an expression of fear for the lady, now , it looks more to him like she knows what she's doing.
Ododo,
You really need to keep writing on this blog and don't give up...i also have a blog and discovered we posted messages last about the same time...i read ur blog and i've gone back to writing...so write onurs tooo...nice work
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